2024
In Loving Memory of Hope
Dec 10, 2024 • Category: Life
by DV
It is with heavy hearts that we announce the passing of Hope, the cherished dream of a possibility for true intimacy. Born of optimism and desire, Hope brought warmth and anticipation to countless moments, lighting the path to a desperately sought-after but ever-elusive connection. Hope took its own life because it had lost itself.
Hope leaves behind a legacy of unrealistic expectations and empty dreams in the face of uncertainty and a persistent belief in the potential for profound emotional closeness. Despite its untimely departure, the impact of Hope's presence lingers, reminding us of the human yearning for genuine intimacy.
Hope is survived by its siblings, Love, Longing, and Sacrifice, who will carry forward the lessons and strength instilled by their departed kin. In lieu of flowers, the family requests acts of encouragement, vulnerability, and open communication in memory of Hope.
May Hope rest in peace, and may its memory inspire a continued search for the authentic unions we all seek.
It is with heavy hearts that we announce the passing of Hope, the cherished dream of a possibility for true intimacy. Born of optimism and desire, Hope brought warmth and anticipation to countless moments, lighting the path to a desperately sought-after but ever-elusive connection. Hope took its own life because it had lost itself.
Hope leaves behind a legacy of unrealistic expectations and empty dreams in the face of uncertainty and a persistent belief in the potential for profound emotional closeness. Despite its untimely departure, the impact of Hope's presence lingers, reminding us of the human yearning for genuine intimacy.
Hope is survived by its siblings, Love, Longing, and Sacrifice, who will carry forward the lessons and strength instilled by their departed kin. In lieu of flowers, the family requests acts of encouragement, vulnerability, and open communication in memory of Hope.
May Hope rest in peace, and may its memory inspire a continued search for the authentic unions we all seek.
The House Edge
Dec 04, 2024 • Category: Addiction
Addiction is the ultimate house edge, always playing the long game. Even when you think you’re up, walking away a winner, it waits—silent, patient, and calculating. Then, at the worst possible moment, it shows its hand, a crooked smile on its face, and takes it all back with interest. No matter how good you think you’re doing, the odds are always stacked in its favor, and in the end, it never misses its chance to be triumphant once more.
Signs of the Times
Nov 18, 2024 • Category: Rock
Have you ever seen a more memorable marquee than this one from the Longhorn Ballroom in Dallas, TX in 1978?Billy Bowman was my friend
Oct 30, 2024 • Category: Life
In second grade, I had a classmate named Billy Bowman. He was the best-dressed 8-year-old in school, always sporting a snap-up shirt, cowboy boots, and classically styled hair neatly combed and raised in the front like Ricky Ricardo’s. Billy’s voice was a cute mix of high-pitch and gentleness, with a refined bilingual accent that made each word and sentence sound flawless. I can still remember the sparkle and excitement in his eyes when he spoke. Billy was a beautiful boy.Our parents knew each other, and on that particular afternoon, it was arranged for Billy to come home with me after school. However, as we walked together, I found myself suddenly indifferent. Perhaps it was Billy’s incessant chatter about playing with my toys and watching TV together, a stark contrast to the shared space he had at home with his sister. Or maybe I was just tired and wanted to take a nap, so, I told Billy, “Let’s just do it some other day.”
What I failed to realize was that Billy had been eagerly anticipating this visit all week. He had looked forward to spending time at his friend’s house, imagining how much fun they would have. I’m sure his mother was so happy for him. I never considered their feelings nor the disappointment my words would bring.
I wish I could have foreseen the sadness I would feel in the future, the regret of having let a friend down. I wish I had known then how valuable true friendship is, how sensitive feelings can be, and that such moments would weigh heavily on my heart when I grew older. Even if I had been told, I might not have listened.
So, right there at the corner of St. Regis and Templecliff, Billy’s tears began to fall. I felt a tinge of guilt, but evidently not enough to change my tune and bring him home with me. I watched Billy turn and walk away towards his own house. He was downcast. I was wrong, I had rejected him.
There was no color then. I rejected my friend in black and white, and he cried. I’m sorry, Billy. A real friend doesn’t do that. A real friend just wouldn’t.
The Lady
Sep 22, 2024 • Category: Addiction
…"Users call cocaine ‘the lady.’ The lady has a widespread acceptance in the best of circles. However, those of us who are—or were—hooked can tell you it's no lady. And until I am cured, I consider myself hooked. Even now, talking about it makes me want it. I can feel the familiar signals going through my body, making my heart beat faster.”Don Reese from June 14, 1982 issue of Sports Illustrated
The Prodigal Son
Jun 21, 2024 • Category: Life
Luke 15:11-32
11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”
The First Three Steps
Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and that our lives had become unmanageable (verses 14 - 17)
Step 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity (verses 17 - 19)
Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him (verse 20)
Steps 1, 2 and 3 are illustrated with the story of the Prodigal Son. He admitted he was powerless and could not take care of himself. Luckily, he did realize that there was someone who could help him. There was someone who had the means and ability to feed him. There was hope. Then, he decided he would conform himself to that persons way of life and go to him. What a wonderful plan. It worked.
11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”
The First Three Steps
Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and that our lives had become unmanageable (verses 14 - 17)
Step 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity (verses 17 - 19)
Step 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him (verse 20)
Steps 1, 2 and 3 are illustrated with the story of the Prodigal Son. He admitted he was powerless and could not take care of himself. Luckily, he did realize that there was someone who could help him. There was someone who had the means and ability to feed him. There was hope. Then, he decided he would conform himself to that persons way of life and go to him. What a wonderful plan. It worked.
Wooed by the Wire: A Story of Suspended Sanity
Apr 21, 2024 • Category: Addiction
by DV
Let’s agree on the notion that being hooked on one thing is pretty much like being hooked on another; the mind of an addict doesn't really care about the specifics. Hold that thought while I draw you a picture with a story that mirrors the addict's perilous dance between safety and self-destruction.
I watched a documentary called “Man On Wire” about high-wire artist Philippe Petit. Petit, a Frenchman, achieved worldwide acclaim for being somewhat of an artistic vandal in that he staged unauthorized high-wire walks in the 1970’s. His greatest accomplishment was on the early morning of August 7, 1974, as he walked between the very top of the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, 1,350 feet above the streets of downtown Manhattan. I remember listening to the news report on the radio as I was getting ready for school and immediately thought, “That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever heard of.” Maybe it still is.
In the documentary (which I highly recommend), Petit is being interviewed and describes the moment of truth—the instant before his wire walk—that chills the spine. He stands there, one foot rooted in the safety of the skyscraper, the other teetering over the expanse on a wire thin as hope.
“And I had to make a decision,
...of shifting my weight from one foot anchored to the building...
...to the foot anchored on the wire.
This is probably... I don’t know... probably the end of my life to step on that wire.
And on the other hand, something that I could not resist...
...and I didn’t make any effort to resist, called me upon that cable.
And death is very close.”
Wow, what a great description! He has one foot in a safe place, and the other on something that all reason says will bring death. He knows this, yet he cannot resist as that cable is wooing him upon it. Addiction may not have been in his dictionary, but he was giving an inadvertent perfect picture of it and the lengths an addict would go to fill his emptiness.
To me personally, I have been in a zombie-like trance, hearing that cable calling my name, and made no effort to stand firm. All I could see, and wanted to see, was what that wire represented, without any thought of the fall from grace that lay just below it. Can you imagine?
The movie documents the great pains he endured and the elaborate plans made to pull off this mission he referred to as “Le Coup.” As I watched each step of the caper, I placed myself into it as the lead character since I had parallel efforts toward my own high-wire dances without a net, a gamble where the stakes were my very life. I’m an addict.
Let’s agree on the notion that being hooked on one thing is pretty much like being hooked on another; the mind of an addict doesn't really care about the specifics. Hold that thought while I draw you a picture with a story that mirrors the addict's perilous dance between safety and self-destruction.
I watched a documentary called “Man On Wire” about high-wire artist Philippe Petit. Petit, a Frenchman, achieved worldwide acclaim for being somewhat of an artistic vandal in that he staged unauthorized high-wire walks in the 1970’s. His greatest accomplishment was on the early morning of August 7, 1974, as he walked between the very top of the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, 1,350 feet above the streets of downtown Manhattan. I remember listening to the news report on the radio as I was getting ready for school and immediately thought, “That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever heard of.” Maybe it still is.
In the documentary (which I highly recommend), Petit is being interviewed and describes the moment of truth—the instant before his wire walk—that chills the spine. He stands there, one foot rooted in the safety of the skyscraper, the other teetering over the expanse on a wire thin as hope.
“And I had to make a decision,
...of shifting my weight from one foot anchored to the building...
...to the foot anchored on the wire.
This is probably... I don’t know... probably the end of my life to step on that wire.
And on the other hand, something that I could not resist...
...and I didn’t make any effort to resist, called me upon that cable.
And death is very close.”
Wow, what a great description! He has one foot in a safe place, and the other on something that all reason says will bring death. He knows this, yet he cannot resist as that cable is wooing him upon it. Addiction may not have been in his dictionary, but he was giving an inadvertent perfect picture of it and the lengths an addict would go to fill his emptiness.
To me personally, I have been in a zombie-like trance, hearing that cable calling my name, and made no effort to stand firm. All I could see, and wanted to see, was what that wire represented, without any thought of the fall from grace that lay just below it. Can you imagine?
The movie documents the great pains he endured and the elaborate plans made to pull off this mission he referred to as “Le Coup.” As I watched each step of the caper, I placed myself into it as the lead character since I had parallel efforts toward my own high-wire dances without a net, a gamble where the stakes were my very life. I’m an addict.
Levels of Insanity
Mar 20, 2024 • Category: Addiction
by DV
Rock-Bottom Insanity:
I’m going to jump in my car and drive 100 MPH down LBJ Freeway because that’s what I’m addicted to.
Reasonable Insanity:
On the next good weather day, I’m going to go check the air in my tires, clean my windows, put on my helmet and gloves then jump in my car and drive 100 MPH down LBJ Freeway because that’s what I’m addicted to.
Do you see the difference? The first is a zombie-like state of rock-bottom insane addiction; all I can see is my addiction, and I want it now. The second is just a little more patient – I do want it now, but I’m willing to wait till tomorrow. Perhaps this is the very last stop before that destination we call: “The Twilight Zone”. I want as much safety in my self-destruction as possible because I still have one brain cell remaining. Thank God somebody grabbed my car keys.
Rock-Bottom Insanity:
I’m going to jump in my car and drive 100 MPH down LBJ Freeway because that’s what I’m addicted to.
Reasonable Insanity:
On the next good weather day, I’m going to go check the air in my tires, clean my windows, put on my helmet and gloves then jump in my car and drive 100 MPH down LBJ Freeway because that’s what I’m addicted to.
Do you see the difference? The first is a zombie-like state of rock-bottom insane addiction; all I can see is my addiction, and I want it now. The second is just a little more patient – I do want it now, but I’m willing to wait till tomorrow. Perhaps this is the very last stop before that destination we call: “The Twilight Zone”. I want as much safety in my self-destruction as possible because I still have one brain cell remaining. Thank God somebody grabbed my car keys.
A Grocery Store Parable
Jan 03, 2024 • Category: Life
by JK
When I was about 25 years old, I drove up to the grocery store in my neighborhood. It was an old type of grocery store, much smaller than a modern supermarket, but it had character, and it was close. As I was going in, there was a young man sitting in the shade on the sidewalk near the entrance. He had no legs. He had placed in front of him a few things he was trying to sell, and he asked me, “Sir, would you like to buy a pencil”?
In that split second, before I responded with an automatic "no," I realized that I knew this man. About fifteen years earlier, when my Sunday School class went on a field trip, this boy had shown up on the bus. I guess he was someone's nephew or friend. I didn’t talk to him that day either. It’s not often that you cross paths with someone with no legs, he looked the same as the kid on the bus, but his lack of legs was a dead giveaway. This young man, was roughly my own age. I went on in the store, made my purchase, and quickly escaped back to my car.
Here’s my point: Had I not been so afraid, had I stopped for two seconds and gave some consideration to someone besides myself, I could have made a difference. I can’t say for sure, but most certainly a 25 year-old legless man has had a rough life. He was selling pencils on the sidewalk. Meanwhile, here I was, able-bodied, married with kids, a home, a job, a car, and enough to afford a grocery run. The perceived contrast was stark.
What I should have done was stop, and kneel down to eye level and say “What all have you got there?” I could have bought a couple of pencils and a notepad, or whatever he had. I could have brought him a Dr. Pepper on my way out. I could have asked him his name.
If only I'd known in advance, I could have composed myself and made a difference in someone's life, even if just for a few minutes. In the grand scheme of things, it would have made a difference in my life too. If only I had known. Or maybe I would have parked on the other side of the store and entered from there. I don't know.
Compare this with a similar situation ten years later. I’m going into a different grocery store with my 10-year old son (who has his own challenges) and standing by the entrance is a kid about his age. My son stops, and sticks out his hand and introduces himself. I’m so proud of him and so ashamed of myself.
Carrying these memories with me in my old age, I'm determined to be more courageous, set aside my fears and make a difference. I'm giving myself some advanced warning right now. Opportunities will arise, and I want to be ready. I don't know how, where, or when, but I'm deciding in advance to be a difference-maker.
When I was about 25 years old, I drove up to the grocery store in my neighborhood. It was an old type of grocery store, much smaller than a modern supermarket, but it had character, and it was close. As I was going in, there was a young man sitting in the shade on the sidewalk near the entrance. He had no legs. He had placed in front of him a few things he was trying to sell, and he asked me, “Sir, would you like to buy a pencil”?
In that split second, before I responded with an automatic "no," I realized that I knew this man. About fifteen years earlier, when my Sunday School class went on a field trip, this boy had shown up on the bus. I guess he was someone's nephew or friend. I didn’t talk to him that day either. It’s not often that you cross paths with someone with no legs, he looked the same as the kid on the bus, but his lack of legs was a dead giveaway. This young man, was roughly my own age. I went on in the store, made my purchase, and quickly escaped back to my car.
Here’s my point: Had I not been so afraid, had I stopped for two seconds and gave some consideration to someone besides myself, I could have made a difference. I can’t say for sure, but most certainly a 25 year-old legless man has had a rough life. He was selling pencils on the sidewalk. Meanwhile, here I was, able-bodied, married with kids, a home, a job, a car, and enough to afford a grocery run. The perceived contrast was stark.
What I should have done was stop, and kneel down to eye level and say “What all have you got there?” I could have bought a couple of pencils and a notepad, or whatever he had. I could have brought him a Dr. Pepper on my way out. I could have asked him his name.
If only I'd known in advance, I could have composed myself and made a difference in someone's life, even if just for a few minutes. In the grand scheme of things, it would have made a difference in my life too. If only I had known. Or maybe I would have parked on the other side of the store and entered from there. I don't know.
Compare this with a similar situation ten years later. I’m going into a different grocery store with my 10-year old son (who has his own challenges) and standing by the entrance is a kid about his age. My son stops, and sticks out his hand and introduces himself. I’m so proud of him and so ashamed of myself.
Carrying these memories with me in my old age, I'm determined to be more courageous, set aside my fears and make a difference. I'm giving myself some advanced warning right now. Opportunities will arise, and I want to be ready. I don't know how, where, or when, but I'm deciding in advance to be a difference-maker.