The Confessor from the 1985 album The Confessor by Joe Walsh.

Lyrics by Joe Walsh

At just over 7 minutes long, The Confessor meets my first requirement of an epic piece of rock and roll. It also strikes me as two compositions in one - the first half is gentle in a dreamlike state then stops and switches to hard and angry (kind of like the way Tina Turner introduced Proud Mary). Another observation of the music itself is that the song seems to have two different drum parts. Can you distinguish between the conventional drums and an electronic set? The electronic is played in the first half, but sort of muffled. Conventional drums take over the start of the second half and they are intermingled toward the end. The electronic is a little more echoey. If you know what to listen for, it's definitely there.

Something else I learned is about the cover artwork. It is a slight edit of a painting called "Zwei Männer in Betrachtung des Mondes" by Caspar David Friedrich, which translates to "Two men contemplating the moon". Perhaps what they are contemplating in this instance, is the real Joe Walsh. Walsh has been pretty open with his relationship with addiction and maybe this album is his confession, and a window into his true self.

The recounting starts off slow and melodic with building electronic keyboards and some very clear 12-string guitar. With an eye of wonder the singer begins reflecting on life and how reality may not be what it seems. Could he be painting a picture of the deception that leads a person down the road to addiction?

At mid point there is an interlude of silence, followed by a change of time signature, pace and realization as if it is twenty years later. The intensity picks up as the singer, having lived life, made horrible mistakes, reached a crossroads and now wants to tell us what the real world is like. The overall tone is "You better listen to what I'm saying - I'm telling you the truth". Over a driving, yet simple solo drumbeat, he goes on to describe how it feels (as the confessor) to admit the exact nature of our sins to God, ourselves and another human being. God knows you. You know you. You can't lie. You're completely naked and humiliated. This is rigorous honesty. Yes, it's brutal, but necessary to be The Confessor.

Then the Rock and Roll kicks in - which is why we put this record on. We are treated to a minute and a half jam session of guitar work and percussion of the previously mentioned two drum sounds. Be sure you have it turned up loud now as it builds to a crescendo of screaming guitar licks blaring an audio picture of how the addiction became overwhelming. The mood seems to calm for a second, but then the singer passionately scolds and reminds us with a whole list of repercussions that have a grip on us and keep us in bondage. He pleads for us to let go.

When it's over, it's over (the song, not the addiction). At some point, you have to make up your mind to give it up.

The Confessor

If you look at your reflection in the bottom of a well
What you see is only on the surface
If you try to see the meaning, hidden underneath
The measure of the depth can be deceiving
The bottom has a rocky reputation

You can feel it in the distance
The deeper down you stare
From up above it's hard to see
But you know it when you're there
On the bottom words are shallow
On the surface talk is cheap
You can only judge the distance by the company you keep
In the eyes of the confessor

In the eyes of the confessor
There's no place you can hide
You can't hide from the eyes (of the confessor)
Don't you even try
In the eyes of the confessor
You can't tell a lie
You cannot tell a lie (to the confessor)
Strip you down to size
Naked as the day that you were born
Naked as the day that you were born

Take all the trauma, drama, comments
The guilt and doubt and shame
The what if's and if only's
The shackles and the chains
The violence and aggression
The pettiness and scorn
The jealousy and hatred
The tempest and discord
And give it up!



Comments System WIDGET PACK

O Lord, please have mercy on this band of brothers I love, good men and your children. For any who are hurting or may be in a crisis tonight, holy Father I would ask for a measure of comfort, of relief from the pain, encouragement and a touch from you that is loud enough to hear and gentle enough to soothe the paralyzing fear. I pray for hope, even a ray of sunlight in their future. Please walk beside us dear Father and carry my brother across this river of hopelessness he may be drowning in.

I pray for families who have been hurt, O Lord please heal those wounds and I thank you in advance that the pain would be eased and the godly relationships that you desire would be put together again better and stronger than ever before. Father God I ache for these precious people whose world has crashed down upon them through no fault of their own and weep with them but know that You are still the King and are still in control, all hope rests in You and your compassion. You can heal, and I plead with you to intercede and heal these deep scars and broken hearts.

Father, if trust could ever be restored, it is because You have interceded. If You choose to save marriages, praise your holy name, if you put us through a season of suffering, we trust you and Your will be done.

I pray for myself that I will have a heart of compassion and consider my brothers sufferings more important than my own temporary inconveniences. As I have seen you work a miracle in my own life, turning a sinner into a servant, please put it on my heart to have a real concern and check on my dear friend and be a friend who cares and loves.

Heal my brother, O Lord. Heal his body and his mind, heal his heart and may his desire shift from things of the world to being controlled by the Spirit. May this walk we are experiencing teach us what you want us to know and glorify the name of God. The victory is Yours!

In Christ name I pray, Amen.

The first time I heard Van Halen was in 1978 when "Runnin with the Devil" was played on Rock and Roll radio. I bought the first Van Halen album and the rest is history. I saw them perform only once - around 1984, I really don't remember. Eddie Van Halen was the coolest. If you look in the upper right corner, you can see my tribute and devotion to the world's greatest guitarist, my Eddie Van Halen mailbox. When my old mailbox was falling down, I fixed the mount, and re-painted it in the process. Rock in peace, Eddie.



Now, just for fun:

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Do you have any of these? Coffee cans of old spark plugs? Have you ever thought about why you refuse to let these go? What do you need to throw out? (And I'm not really talking about spark plugs)

Restless from the 1978 album You're Gonna Get It! by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.

Written by Tom Petty

Is this song about a sex addict? That's your call, but one thing's for sure, Restless by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers rocks!

"Restless"

I don't need to belong to no one
I don't belong at all
Got my face in the corner
Got my back to the wall

And pretty baby I'm restless, restless
Restless through and through
I'm restless restless
You look restless too

I'm a hair trigger lover
And I can't face up to nothing
I'm impatient with the wind
But I'm waitin' here for somethin'

And pretty baby I'm restless, restless
Restless through and through
I'm restless restless
You look restless too

Restless sleep, twisted dreams
Moving targets, silent screams
Restless city, restless steets
Restless you, restless me

I'm a face out the window
I'm a black satin sheet
And I can't stay warm
I stay out in the street

And pretty baby I'm restless, restless
Restless through and through
I'm restless restless
You look restless too

Author unknown

I was married, had been with my wife for 15 years. Then I left her 2 months short of our 10 year wedding anniversary.We were parents to two beautiful children, who are in their late teens now, but were only seven and nine years old when I walked out.I travelled for work, stayed in a different hotel at least three nights a week. That’s how I met Eve*.

We got to know each other over time. We became Facebook friends. We sent messages to each other all day and night. She was also married, also had two kids. We had so much in common, we soon fell in love. I felt like she ‘got’ me.

This was all during a very trying time in my marriage. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t look forward to going home. My wife had put on weight, we hardly ever spoke, she always looked so miserable.

Little did I realise that I was the reason she was so down and depressed. I didn’t pay her any attention. I took her for granted. I was too busy wishing my life was more exciting, being romanced online, spending all of my free time thinking how I could get out.

I believed she didn’t love me. I convinced myself she never cared about me or my needs and wants and wishes, that all I was was a paycheck.

She spent her free time taking care of us — our kids, making our suppers, doing our washing, making lunches, doing homework, projects, shuttling kids to sport, taking care of the pets they loved so much, their friends, and had a job of her own on top of it all.

Every time she spoke to me, all I heard was nagging and whining. But she was actually begging for my attention: a weekend away, a date night, a movie — everything I ended up doing with Eve behind her back and after I left my family.

We argued and fought because we felt unheard by the other. And yet that was all we actually had to do – LISTEN – to each other!

I moved to another province with Eve. My now ex-wife got custody of our kids. I saw them every second weekend, the usual ‘Dad’ set up.

New beginnings

Life was sweet!

Eve and I had an amazing sex life. A connection I believed I never had with my ex. We had a large circle of friends. My family loved her. My kids liked her.

But my ex could never bring herself to meet Eve – she felt betrayed. I hated her even more! She was childish. She was mean. She never cared about me or my happiness. I didn’t care about my ex’s feelings when I posted photos of us on Facebook… I had Eve and a whole new life and it was fantastic!

We were together for about six or seven years but never married – we believed marriage was not our thing.

I believed that after 15 years with my ex, we’d given it all we could and our time together was up, there was nothing we could do to salvage our relationship or marriage. Eve was my future, Eve was who I should have been with all along.

Eventually, no matter how well we got along in the beginning; no matter how well I thought she “got” me; no matter how good the sex was; the “honeymoon” came to an end.

Eve and I started snapping at each other. Little fights here and there. I had a moment of pure realization one night, at about 2am.

I realised that I missed the woman who created my first home and family. I realised that if I’d treated my ex-wife the way I’d treated Eve, used the hours I spend woo-ing Eve on my ex, she’d have bloomed.

If I’d stopped being negative about her and our relationship to my family and friends they wouldn’t have been so negative to her and she wouldn’t have pulled into herself and shied away.

She became someone I convinced myself I no longer knew or got along with because I never gave her the time and affection and attention she craved and deserved.

I thought I had, but when I got down and really thought about it I never really did. I never really let her in. I had ended my marriage years before with the simple decision that she was no longer who or what I wanted. And I’d convinced my family and friends the same – that she was no good for me!

Regret sets in

But I was wrong. I missed the best years of my kids lives. Missed being a family with them. I let their mother battle with raising them alone. Yes I helped financially, but a man living outside his family has no real idea what the costs are on the single mother. While Eve and I ate steaks on the weekends, my ex-wife was living on egg and toast.

And do you know that she never complained? She never demanded more money out of me. She never stopped me from seeing the kids. Never said no if I changed plans on her at the last minute. She gave up her weekends so that my mother could spend time with her grandchildren. She left me to get on with my life with Eve, even though it must have killed her.

Like any relationship, it had started out good – great in fact – but when it go bad I decided to leave… I walked out and divorced a woman who – and I can only see this now – would have done anything for me. But I’d told myself she wouldn’t or couldn’t.

My ex-wife stayed single for 8 years. She dated but never got involved. Her being single was also a kind of affirmation for me – that no one wanted her – that everything I’d decided she lacked, so did other men… She actually stayed single to focus on our children.

Too late

And then came the day she met Craig. I never thought it would bug me in any way if she got a boyfriend. I thought it would be great! But I was very wrong. I felt hurt. I felt jealous. I even felt angry and maybe betrayed.

She moved in with Craig, along with my kids. She set up a new home. A new family, with my kids… it was a very bitter pill to swallow.

I finally understood how she’d felt all these years. And it felt rotten.

I watched via Facebook and through conversations with our old mutual friends how Craig spoiled her and the kids. Their weekends were spent on the beach – he surfed with my son. They went hiking in the Burg. They went to Mauritius where he proposed on a kayak and she said yes — they got married.

My daughter was a bridesmaid. My son was a groomsman. Craig’s parents and brother welcomed my ex-wife and children into their family. They told everyone how blessed they were to be gaining them as family.

She glowed with happiness. She radiated love and none of it was for me! My heart felt like it had been ripped out.

It should have been me.

Don’t be me. You think you will never be happy when you are in a rut. It is when you are there at your darkest that you need to grip down and try your hardest.

Today I live alone and still only see my kids occasionally. They are big now and harbour anger towards me for leaving them and their mother. Who can blame them?

Of all the things Eve was, she was never the mother of my children – my original true love.

More of That Jazz from the 1978 album Jazz by Queen.

Lyrics by Roger Taylor

Receiving very little airplay when first released, and virtually none at present, More of That Jazz is a rocker, showcasing Roger Taylor's musical abilities. Freddie Mercury sits this one out, as the entire arrangement was created and sung by Roger Taylor. The drums are delegated to the loop machine so the drummer can contribute on bass, do some guitar work and harmonize with himself. This recording is so crystal clear, it accuentuates Brian Mays staircase plucking and sound of the Red Special. It's an unconventional tune if for no other reason than the break at the 3:14 mark song samples five six other songs from the Jazz album:

• Dead On Time
• Bicycle Race
• Mustapha
• If You Can’t Beat Them
• (a reprise of Dead On Time)
• Fun It
• Fat Bottomed Girls

That's a first for me. More of That Jazz gets the minus Freddie Mercury job done

Turn The Page from the 1973 album Back in '72 and again on the 1976 Live Bullet by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band

Lyrics by Bob Seger

Turn the Page tells the story of an exhausted performer and his band driving all night, trying to make the next gig. He thinks about all the hazards of living on the road as he practices his craft of being the "Star". I believe it does have an element of sex addiction, albeit an element that is very common in all men: As he is riding the night out, his mind wanders.

"On a long and lonesome highway
East of Omaha
You can listen to the engine
Moanin' out his one note song
You can think about the woman
Or the girl you knew the night before…"

The night before, last week, 35 years ago. Those thoughts seem to be the default place our mind may turn to when we are not actively engaged.

At first glance, you would think the false god an addict is running to is the addiction. On deeper introspection, I think that the god I was running to was myself, because the end result of all the fantasies was that I was the hero. I was the savior. I made everyone else feel good about making me feel good. I am the false god.

Carry On Wayward Son from the 1976 album Leftoverture by Kansas.

Songwriter Kerry Livgren


I remember the first time I heard this in 1976, I thought it was just another fill in song on the radio, but the more I listened, the more special it became. Now, when I hear it, I am marveled at the opening instrumentation, who would have dared create something like this in 1976?

My City Was Gone from the 1984 album Learning To Crawl by The Pretenders.

Lyrics by Chrissie Hynde

One of the best bass-driven songs I've ever heard, My City Was Gone keeps an even tempo with the baseline against the echoing drums throughout. It's a song that you can really get into late at night driving down a dark, lonely road. I don't like Chrissie Hyndes style of singing, but she does it so good. I don't think anyone else could convert story-telling into a song using this pretentious style of singing, but she invented it and listening to it for so long, it just works. I had always thought the groovy, fade out guitar picking was by original Pretenders guitarist, James Honeyman-Scott, but after a little research, I see he died a few months before the track was recorded using Bill Bremer on the guitar. Give it a critical listen, and see if you don't hear it like never before.~JK

As he was passing by, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him: "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," Jesus answered. "This came about so that God's works might be displayed in him. We must do the works of him who sent me while it is day. Night is coming when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world."

Perhaps God is allowing this very difficult time in our lives to happen, to show his works. I'm going to try and see every bit of God's works in the coming days and thank him for it. He gets all the credit for even the smallest encouragement or gift and will certainly receive the glory and honor when the mountain is moved.

I heard Dennis Prager say something on his radio show in 2019 that made me think. Now this may not be the exact words, but I think I remember it pretty close: "The more afraid you are to talk to your spouse about your sexual desires, the less connected you'll be". Hmmm.

Can't You Hear Me Knocking from the 1971 album Sticky Fingers by the Rolling Stones.

Lyrics by Jagger/Richards

Right out of the gate, Keith plays some crystal clear, down and dirty licks, and everything rocks from here on. This is a classic example of fuzzy guitar, genius rock and roll riffing, kept in line with Charlie Watts doing more than his usual time keeping minimum, throwing in some great rap-tapping and cymbalizing. I've been listening to this song for almost half a century, but only recently did I really hear it. Around the fourth stanza, I was drawn to the backup singing: "Hear me prowlin', I'm gonna take you down. Hear me growlin', Yeah, I've flatted feet now, now, now, now. Hear me howlin', And all, all around your street now. Hear me knockin', And all, all around your town". I played the whole thing over and it became brand new.

You don't see it coming, but at midpoint, the song very cleverly and quickly, shapeshifts into a jazzy jam session complete with bongos, a cool-cat saxophone solo by Bobby Keys that never really ends and an echoing guitar solo by Mick Taylor. The jamming goes on for a good 4 minutes and just like that, it's over with an exclamation point! Some of the older folks might remember that when you went into the record store and saw this cardboard album in 1971, right in the middle was a flap, when opened revealed a working metal zipper on a piece of cloth. I've never seen that repeated.

Our first Classic Song is from 1986, Robert Palmer's Addicted To Love. This song is pretty relevant if you read it and could qualify as a letter from Your Addiction. Fill in the blanks with your own addictive behavior.

Lyrics by Robert Palmer

Your lights are on, but you're not home
Your mind is not your own
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another _____ is what it takes

You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no doubt, you're in deep
Your throat is tight, you can't breathe
Another _____ is all you need

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to _____.

You see the signs, but you can't read
You're running at a different speed
Your heart beats in double time
Another _____ and you'll be mine, a one track mind

You can't be saved
Oblivion is all you crave
If there's some left for you
You don't mind if you do

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to _____.

Might as well face it, you're addicted to _____ (x5)

Your lights are on, but you're not home
Your will is not your own
You're heart sweats and teeth grind
Another _____ and you'll be mine

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to _____.

Might as well face it, you're addicted to _____ (x7)

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-From Psychology Today, Oct. 20, 2018. Written by David Ludden Ph.D.-

Finding the courage to push your relationship forward.

Conflict is inevitable in relationships. You’d like to save more money for the future, but your partner would like the two of you to get more enjoyment out of life now. You think your partner is too strict with the kids, but your partner thinks you’re too lenient. You think you already do more than your fair share of the work around the house, but your partner thinks you don’t do enough. Or else, they’d rather you did different chores from the ones you’re used to doing.

Couples frequently have fights about issues like these, and often they can find solutions to these disagreements. At the very least, when they talk their problems out, they have a better understanding of their partner’s preferences. But there’s one area of conflict that too many couples avoid discussing at all costs, namely differences in sexual desire.

Plenty of research shows that couples who have open conversations about sexual issues are also more satisfied with their relationships. However, too many people would rather put up with an unhappy sex life than have that dreaded conversation. Why are so many people afraid to communicate their sexual needs to their partner? This is the question that Canadian psychologist Uzma Rehman and her colleagues explored in a recent study of conflict communication in couples.

Conflict communication is always difficult, largely because we’re motivated to avoid negative emotions. Tempers get raised, and feelings get hurt. Just as we avoid going to the dentist despite a toothache, we avoid talking with our partner about sensitive issues. So we let problems fester.
With non-sexual problems in the relationship, we tend to reach a tipping point after which we let it all come out. Arguments can be healthy for a relationship, especially when the discussion remains focused on the issue at hand and doesn’t devolve into slinging insults and pushing each other’s buttons.

But even couples who are reasonably good at resolving other types of conflict get stuck when it comes to discussing sexual problems in the relationship. Instead of communicating our preferences and inquiring about our partner’s, we rely on cultural scripts that tell us how the sex act is supposed to play out. Despite our urge for a break from the routine, we keep our fantasies to ourselves. No wonder our sex lives get stale after years of marriage.

Past research has shown that couples avoid conflict communication, because they perceive it as threatening in three different ways:
• Threat to relationship. People fear the conflict discussion will irreparably damage the relationship. In other words, they value their relationships even when they’re not happy ones. So they’d rather say nothing than risk a conflict that might improve it, but might also tear it apart.
• Threat to partner. People fear the conflict discussion will hurt their partner’s feelings. That is to say, they care about their partner’s welfare even when they’re not happy with the way their relationship with them is going. Again, they’d rather muddle through than make their partner feel uncomfortable, even at a chance of making things better.
• Threat to self. People fear the conflict discussion will make them vulnerable. If they reveal too much about themselves, they worry that their partner will disapprove of them or try to make them feel shame. We need our partner’s approval, and the fear of losing it is a major reason why people avoid talking about sensitive issues in the first place.

In their study, Rehman and colleagues asked people in committed relationships to imagine themselves in a conflict situation with their partner. The scenario involved either a non-sexual issue about sharing housework or a sexual issue about the frequency of intimacy. Afterward, the partners responded to a questionnaire that measured sense of threat to relationship, partner, and self. On the one hand, the results showed that sexual conflicts are similar to non-sexual conflicts, in that all three types of perceived threat were high. On the other hand, sexual arguments resulted in even higher levels of perceived threat to self than did non-sexual confrontations.

In short, this study showed that the main reason why people avoid talking with their partners about sexual issues is because they view such a discussion as threatening to themselves. Based on responses in this study and others, we can point to some reasons why couples stay away from discussions about intimacy issues.

First, in North American culture, sex is viewed as an embarrassing topic of conversation, so we avoid talking about it altogether. Or else we relieve the uneasiness by turning sexual discussions into jokes. Even within committed relationships, we tend to view sex as naughty and not to be talked about.

Second, sexual education is woefully inadequate in the United States. Many Americans are simply ignorant about sexual anatomy — both their own and their partner's. Although we have cultural scripts about how the sexual act is supposed to work, few of us understand the full breadth of sexual activities that humans engage in. So we have neither the concepts to understand our sexual urges nor the vocabulary to communicate them to our partner.

Because of our embarrassment and ignorance when it comes to sexual matters, we feel especially vulnerable revealing our secret fantasies to our partners. Since we think our desires are weird, we assume our partner will feel the same about them. Furthermore, our urges seem to arise from our innermost core, and we feel we have no control over them. When we dare to reveal secret fantasies only to have them rebuked, we feel that our partner has rejected us as we truly are. So we’d rather keep up the pretense instead.

People who have the courage to discuss intimacy issues with their partners are generally happier in their relationships. But learning to overcome a lifetime of embarrassment about sex and developing a proper sexual vocabulary takes effort. There’s plenty of self-help here on the pages of Psychology Today and elsewhere on the internet or in your local bookstore. Couples therapy can also be effective at resolving intimacy issues.

Conflict is inevitable in relationships, and issues of intimacy are among the hardest of all to confront. And yet, conflict itself isn’t a sign that the relationship is in trouble. On the contrary, if both partners approach the discussion with a desire to resolve the issue, the relationship will be strengthened as a result.

Give a listen to the Podcast. And then get to know your surgeon.

I always wanted to say that.

An earth shattering revelation has occurred to me. I know I need to take every thought captive, but those thoughts have always filled a big hole in my life. I would not know what to do without them and I would be completely lost. There would be a lot of empty air time in my life if every immoral thought was tossed out the window, as I would need to spend a few minutes staring into space until the next thought came along and I tossed it as well.

The solution of course is to have one of the many life projects we all have, but don't have time to do, at the ready and pick it up and run. Plenty of things have been neglected, and I need to be prepared, with a dose of discipline and a quick prayer to throw out the thought and get busy with the project. Wow, just think of the things that could be accomplished using the time wasted on destructive thoughts.

With a little bit of planning, things could change drastically. I'm going to give it a try.

"Lust is the craving for salt in a man who is dying of thirst"
- Frederick Buechner

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